Friday, July 26, 2013


It is 12:30 AM. I'm laying in bed about to drift off into that wonderful land of dreams.  I'm still on somewhat of an alert because I can hear Grandma getting up and down.  I hear her go to the bathroom.  I hear her rummage through drawers.  I realize how many times she is flipping the lights on and off.   I have a fan going to drown out the noises, but tonight it just isn't working.  I can hear all the sounds of the house.  I'm laying there still and trying to drift into a good sleep when I hear it.

The window had just enough light from the street light outside to where I can see the curtain move.  I hear what sounds like a scratching noise on the window.  I'm thinking quietly to myself and make a mental note of what "weapons" are in the room.  The normal three hammers, two flashlights, a baseball bat, a couple of sticks, a hand grabber of some sort, and Grandpa's shoes.  I'm not going to lie!  I was scared.  I hear it again.  This time it is running along the wall. In the corner, there is a box of pecans.  I hear it go thru the pecans.  I turn the light on and grab a huge foam board that Grandma had from a family reunion.  I still hear it in the pecans.  So, I hold the box closed with the foam board.  Grandma conveniently hid a red shoe under the bed.  I grab it and place it on top of the box.  I wasn't about to open the box.  I knew in my heart it was probably a mouse and then it would be crazy all up in that bedroom.  So, I secured the box to where the mouse couldn't get out.

I lay back down in the bed and then I hear it run along the wall behind the headboard.  I hear it go around the electrical wires for the television.  I turn the light back on and there it is staring at me from the diet coke can I had been drinking earlier in the night.  He ran when that light came on.  He was probably the biggest roach/water bug I had ever seen!  He ran back under the bed.  I grabbed the hammer and went after it on the other side.  I cornered him at the foot of the bed.  It was one of those western moments.  The showdown....the enormous bug or me!  It was definitely going to be him.  I tried hitting it with the hammer but he moved towards the wall.  I followed him up the wall with the hammer.  I finally hit him really good and he fell 2 feet to his death below the window.

Now, that I had taking care of the critter, I laid back down to go to sleep.  Turned the light back off and put my weapon back under the bed.  I laid there for four or five minutes listening to the fan go round and round to circulate the air in the room.  I hear the same noise again.  AGAIN!!!  This time in the bathroom.  This time it really did sound more like a mouse.  It was a scratching noise.  Sounded like he was scratching plastic.  Then I hear it in the other bedroom.  I really didn't want to get back up and chase what I thought was a mouse but I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep with all the critters running around.

I went to the bathroom first with hammer in one hand and flashlight in the other.  I shined it around the room and saw one roach in the middle of the floor.  Bam!  Then I heard the plastic scratching noise.  A mop bucket was in the corner.  One had fallen into the bucket and was trying to get out.  Bam!  So, after taking care of the critters of the bathroom.  I decided to venture into the other room.  I thought if it is was just another water bug or roach then I had this under control.  I opened up the bedroom door.  All lights were off.  The other bedroom doors were closed.  I listened intently to hear where the critter was running.  I heard it in the other bathroom.  I got ready to turn the light on to catch him running around.  Hammer was ready in my other hand. When I flipped the light on, there was the biggest critter I had ever seen going into the cabinet under the sink.  This critter was GRANDMA!   Evidently, the cleaning supplies were not in order under the sink.  So, she decided to slowly slide them back in place in the dark!

I told her what had happened in the bedroom with the water bugs.  She wanted to know if I got them with the hammer.  I said yes to all her questions.  I finally turned back to go to bed.  When I hear her say "I told you we needed a man for protection!"  I replied, "All they want to do is make babies!  We don't need no man or babies!"  :)

P.S.  Daddy will be spraying tonight, and I will be throwing out all pecans!  Grandma's squirreling habits are causing the problem.

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