My Grandmother Passed Away

 My sweet grandmother passed away last October.  We always felt Grandma would out live us all.  In the end, Covid caused her dementia to progress.  I know it was 7 months ago.  I am just now finding the time to write this post and to be honest, I haven't wanted to write about losing her.

Grandma was in a nursing home.  We weren't able to visit her due to restrictions.  We found out she was sick in August.  They had placed her in the hospital.  Again, due to restrictions, we weren't allowed to go see her.  My uncle worked for the hospital, so he managed to go see her.  They moved her back to the nursing home on hospice.  The administrator of the hospital did help us face time. her on several occasions.  We had one phone call with her and we saw her trying to respond to us.  It gave us hope that she might pull through.  Sadly, she passed away 3 days later.  The nurses said she was peaceful in her bed. 

To answer the one question I know everyone is wanting to know....No, she did not have her teeth.  She still had the bad habit of wrapping her teeth up in napkins or wash clothes.  The nurse thinks they may have been thrown in with the laundry.  

She had her funeral all planned.  Her and Grandpa had paid for everything.  She had a casket picked out.  The one thing she did not plan on was what she would wear.  My mother and I found a nice pleated skirt and hot pink top.  

When you lose a loved one, the funeral home will ask you if you want to do their makeup or fix their hair. You can hire someone to do this for you.  Do not get me wrong, this is not an easy task for anyone.  My mother had done this for her mother and her best friend.  So, she felt like she could do it.  I wanted to go with her for support.  My sister felt the need to go as well.  

Here is how that played out.....My mother, my sister and I are in a room off the chapel at the funeral home.  They bring Grandma in on a long metal gurney.  This was the first time we had seen her in 8 months.  My emotions were telling me to cry, but my mind was telling me Grandma would have been having a crazy time with the current situation.  My mother started fixing her hair.  Grandma had lost a lot of it.  It wasn't as easy to fix as we thought it would be, but my mother had fixed her hair many times before.  She continued on doing what she knew to do.  My sister started getting anxious and then started telling my mom what to do.  She eventually took the brush from my mom.  Let me tell you, in that moment, my mother gave my sister a look and I was seven years old all over again.  I could see my mom about to lose it.  

At that moment, I started inspecting Grandma's clothes when I saw red finger nail polish on the nails of her fingers.  Oh my goodness, Grandma would have been trying to get all of that off. She was always proud of her pretty fingernails and often gave us manicures when we spent the day with her.  So, while my mom and sister are going around and around on getting grandma's hair just right, I begin scratching off the red finger nail polish.   It was not an easy task.  It did get us all too laughing and giggling.  I am sure the funeral home director probably heard us and thought we were losing our minds.  My daughter heard us and had to come in and find out what we were doing.  I am not sure what she thought, but we were a sight!    

Grandma is now buried next to Grandpa.  It rained the day of her funeral.  We had a nice gravesite service.  All her children, their spouses and grandchildren came.  

Even though I wasn't able to go visit her before she left to be with Grandpa, I miss her every day. All her stories have been showing up in my Facebook memories.  She was a handful, but she was our handful.

Two Years Later...Grandma Is Still Alive and Kickin It In the Nursing Home

I realized today after looking at my blog, it has been two years since I gave an update on Grandma.  Nothing has really changed.  She is living it up in the nursing home.  Her family has come to visit her off and on throughout the year.  She doesn't recognize us as much as she did before.  You can tell she is starting to go in the last stages of Alzheimer's.  She has this blank look on her face and is often caught staring into space as if she isn't thinking of one thing.  I often drift off into this blank space, but I am usually thinking of something I have to do.  Every time I see her, I wonder what she is thinking.

They still let her sit behind the nurse's station and pretend she is working.  She still goes into random rooms looking for her man.  One thing she did that we found very interesting.  Her roommate passed away.  She called her mama.  Ms. Mary would get on to her if she started fussing.  She would tell her to go to bed.  She kept an eye on Grandma.  When she passed away, Grandma refused to stay in that room without mama.  She moved herself to another room.  She stays in a wheelchair now for preventive measures.  Using her wheelchair, she moved a few things into her new room and made herself at home.  The nurses realized what she was doing and finished moving the rest of her stuff for her.

They eventually got her a new roommate.  Her new friend doesn't speak and has a trouble hearing which makes her the perfect roommate for Grandma, because she still goes on her yelling sprees and lets the entire place know she is going to break out.  She still finds a man to crawl in bed with every once in a while.  She gets caught and the nurses make her return to her room.  Can I just say, I find this to be the funniest thing with my grandmother.    She was very loyal to my grandpa.  If you knew her, then you know she would be mortified if she was in her right mind.  I like to think that she thinks everyone is "Ellis" and she is constantly looking for the right "Ellis".

So, that is the update. Not really much has changed.  I don't get to see her as often as I would like because my life has gotten busier.  It is also so hard to go see her in the state of mind that she is in.  I know Cancer and other life-threatening diseases are hard but sometimes you have hope they will recover.  You usually have some kind of time span of how long you have with your loved one.  They are usually able to take care of themselves to some degree as well.  With Alzheimer's, you have no idea how long you have.  They look healthy.  They can still do things, but the downside of them becoming combative, scared and not knowing is the hardest to go through with them.   There is no reasoning with them.  You have to become a part of their world instead of being in reality.

My dad who took care of her 24/7 is retiring this week.  He is almost 71 years of age and finally decided now would be a good time to take a break.  Before she went to the nursing home, I think he was scared that he would be stuck at her house all day, and that is why he took so long to leave. Now that he knows she is in good hands, he felt good about the change. He went to work for the company when I was a year old.  44 years later, he is going to finally get a good vacation.  Prayers for my mom as she has to retrain him and keep him from driving her crazy.  :)

One last thing, Grandma still loses her teeth often in the nursing home even with her name on them.  They lost one set and had to get a replacement.  Thank goodness I took her to Bryant that day and they have her records on file.  Think about this, you have 100 people in the nursing home.  Many do not have the mindset to think clearly.  Most have false teeth.  I guarantee Grandma is not the only one who loses her teeth.  I am so grateful that it is no longer my job to go find them.  No telling whose teeth I would find!!!  Honestly, I miss those nights with her and all the craziness that came with it.

Nursing Home and New Rules

Well, after finding Grandma laying in the road from a fall, we decided it was time to find a good nursing home.  No matter how many cameras we had on her or how often we checked on her, we couldn't keep her from stealing the neighbor's mail or digging thru everyone's garbage.  This fact caused her to miss her step on the curb and fall.  So, after a week or two in the hospital, my dad placed her in a local nursing home.

It has now been 10 months.  Grandma is doing great.  We found her a good roommate.  She spends many nights rummaging through other patient's rooms and yelling at her roommate to turn the lights off because she can't pay the bill.  In the last couple of months, the nurses and my mother have caught her several times pushing her wheel chair to the door and trying to escape.  She has made friends.  They have dementia as well. They all spend their days plotting their escape from the nurses.

Some days, the nurses allow her to sit at the nurses station.  Back in the day, she was a nurse and now she simply thinks she is back at work.  She reads the phone book and yells at anyone that bothers her.

One day, while she slept in the hallway in her wheel chair, someone painted her fingernails red.  She woke up and found them.  In a complete panic, she spent the next 30 minutes scratching all of it off.  She was mad that someone put that red stuff on her.  A friend of my mother's realized what had happened and helped her remove the rest.

She doesn't understand that she is the nursing home.  Her roommate tells her that Ellis (Grandpa) is down the hall.  Her roommate also has a hard time dealing with her.  When Grandma goes to bed, she expects everyone to go to be with her.  Her roommate likes to play games on her computer and is constantly having to tell Grandma to get over it.  For some reason, grandma deals with her and moves on.

Recently, we had a scare.  Grandma developed a UTI.  UTIs are horrible for people with dementia.  We thought she was on her death bed.  It took a day or two before they figured it out.  They got some meds in her and she is back to her old self.  

Keep our family in your prayers.  My mother has become the main caregiver and visits the nursing home daily.  

Selfish

Lots of things are going on with Grandma.  She is harder to handle these days.  It pretty much takes 3 people to keep up with her every day.  Mom watches her during the day. Dad takes care of her at night. I keep an eye on the cameras when I am not doing a million other things.  We also get text from the many cameras in her house.  The messages come to our phone when she has passed them on the carport.  We have resorted to signs in her house. The signs tell her where she is, who she is, and what to do and not do.  We have one on the door that states: "DO NOT LEAVE. GARY IS ON HIS WAY!"  Does this work?  Sometimes.

She just turned 90 this past week.  My mom told her how old she was.  Grandma just laughed.  I told her tonight that she was 90 and cranky.  In return, she told me that I was a selfish little lady who had no business at her house. She had a few other words but I am trying to keep this G rated.

She has been talking in her sleep tonight.  Hollering and carrying on about how someone is outside and I need to get up and go find out why they are in the yard.  I told her to go to bed and forget it.  I say this with a small amount of curiosity.    The last time she told me to go tell the neighbors to shut up, they were robbed in the middle of the night.  I am still not sure if it was during the time she was fussing about them, but to say the least, she knows when things are going on in the neighborhood.

We still play 20 questions every two minutes with her.  She will ask for my name, kid's name and age, my husband, where do I live, and why am I here?  I answer every question every time.  Then, she wants to know where I got my rings.  She still believes they are hers and "that girl" stole them from her.  I have to remind her these rings are mine and my husband gave them to me.

A couple of funny incidents have happened since my last post.  I clean her house and help with washing her clothes.  She will go weeks in the same outfit and no one can get her to change.  Well, one weekend, I was cleaning and I told her to change clothes.  She was reluctant.  So, I washed some clothes and had a nice warm robe ready for her.  I told her to change into the nice robe.  Standing in the dining room, she removed her dress and changed into the robe.  There I was with a naked grandma in the dining room. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I WILL EVER FORGET!  I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE!

I told her one night, I was coming to stay with her.  She was excited.  I got to her house and put up her teeth.  When I came out of the bathroom, she started taking off her clothes. She planned on sleeping in the bedroom with me.....TOTALLY NAKED!  I was like "NO WAY, JOSEA!"  I told her to put her robe right back on and march herself into her room.  She mumbled all the way back to her room.

So, here I am tonight with her once again in a bad mood.  She wanted to know why my dad couldn't stay with her.  I told her that she was stuck with me.  She then starts making the bed and getting pillows.  I thought she was making the bed for me until I realized, she was planning on sleeping with me.  I told her to go to bed.  She started mumbling "stupid, selfish (insert bad word here)."  It is all I can do to not laugh really loud and upset her.  So, I bite my tongue and tell her to go to bed.  She wanted to know why do I get to sleep with the men and she can't?  I wanted to tell her because "I am stupid and selfish!"

Four hours later, she is upset about her rings.  She is convinced a girl stole them.  I am that girl.  Grandma came in and said "Carole Anne, are you staying with me tonight?"

"Yes"

"If you see that girl with my rings, GET HER!"

Okay

She came back a few minutes later.  "You seen the girl with my rings?"

"I don't have your rings."

"Did I say you did?  I said the girl has my rings."

"No one has your rings.  Go to bed."

Grandma "You selfish, silly girl. You think everything is about you! Well, it ain't!"

Good to know!

Bipolar and Lost

Writing in my blog has been a little hard in the last year.  Not due to lack of stuff to write. Simply, because not much has changed with Grandma.  I didn't really want my blog to be as repetitious as she is.  I guess you could say, I also had a bit of writer's block.

Everyone deals with dementia differently.  I have found some offended by some of my comments.  Some have offered encouragement to keep on writing and sharing my stories.  And some have laughed with me until we cried.

Last night, I decided to stay with Grandma and give dad a night off.  I found her dialing phone numbers in the kitchen.  She dialed the number, listened to the phone, sighed and then slammed the phone down.  She did this about 10 times until I finally asked what she was doing.  She was calling Grandpa.  For those that don't know, Grandpa died almost three and a half years ago.  She found his phone number in an old phone book.  She called it and called the numbers out loud to make sure she was dialing it correctly.  She then listened to the busy signal.  She dialed her number one more time and then went into a long rant.  She was hollering about how she knows he is probably on the phone or has it off the hook.  She talked about how he was making her so mad because he was behaving like a "little bitty baby."

A new thing has occurred with her in the last few months.  She has started cussing and saying the most horrible things.  She really starts in when she gets frustrated and upset.  I can't recall one time growing up where I heard her say a curse word, not even the word "hell."

I told her to not be saying bad words.  She told me to "Shut the H.... up."  I know Grandpa caused this frustration.  I am sure he is laughing in heaven at the fit she is having.  I can see him sitting with his legs crossed, holding his wrinkled, old hands together, with a twinkle in his eye, grinning from ear to ear and snickering.

After the phone incident, Grandma started to settle down a bit.  I got her teeth and hid them in the back room.  I convinced her to take off her sweater, because it was summer time.  I had to make her go to bed.

I got ready to go to bed and realized I left my medicine in the van.  So, I went and moved the twenty something chairs in front of the door.  I got my medicine and walked back into the house.  She was up and standing in the hallway when I came back.

She looked at me "Carole Anne, is that you?"
"Yes, grandma.  It is me."
"Awe, I love it when you come and spend the night."

(Remember, this is the same lady who cussed at me 15 minutes before I went outside.)

I got her back in bed and went to bed myself.  She came in several times and had to tell me the rules to stay at her house.

Rule #1:  When, not if, the robbers break in the house, don't talk and tell my silly stories.  They will leave faster if I just shut up.

Rule #2:  Turn the flash light off your face (my phone).  If they see your face then they will know you are listening.  (I can't tell my stories.  So, what else would I be doing?)

Rule #3:  If the robber touches you, don't move.  If you move, then he will think you will want you know what!

I agreed to not tell stories, turn my phone off and not move, because I am scared of whatever she thinks is you know what!

Later on in the night, I heard her rumbling around in the house.  I heard the door squeak.  She walked across the hall and hit the bathroom door with her body.  She was heading into the bathroom. She then hit my door.  I had turned my phone off and laid real quite in the bed.  THEN.....I heard her peeing.   I wasn't quite sure at first if she was in the bathroom.  Slowly, I realized she was right outside my door.

I heard her return to bed.  I decided to go investigate and verify the worse possible scenario.  I opened my door and my bare foot, in one step, verified the evidence in front of my doorway.  Evidently, all the doors mixed her up, and she got lost on the way to the bathroom.

Lost, cussing, and bipolar is where we are with dementia.  We are hanging in there and taking care of her day and night.  My daughter is covering the daytime.  Dad and I are covering the nights.  24 hours a day trying to keep up with Grandma.  This is, by far, harder than babysitting a 2 year old.

Carole Anne is Coming

I am so sorry about taking so long to blog about Grandma.  With school starting back, I have been swamped with one thing after another.  My oldest started college.  When you oldest leaves home, it is a challenge to just adjust to daily life without her.  BUT, You didn't come to my blog to read about my struggles.  You came to read about Grandma!

Grandma is doing great.  We have found someone to sit with her during the day.  This has been a blessing for my dad.  He no longer worries all day about Grandma wondering thru the neighborhood.  She has a tendency to drag stuff from people's yards.  She did rake her neighbors yard and sacked five bags of leaves.  She has so much energy for an almost 89 year old woman!  This new lady comes in the morning until dad gets off work and just keeps an eye on Grandma.  The first day, Grandma felt that she needed to stay with her.  So, she didn't do anything but sit on the couch.  This really irritated her.  She called Daddy that afternoon and told him that lady had to go!  Needless to say, she has adjusted.  Now, she feels like she has a house full of company.

She is about the same in her state of mind.   Although, some days, we feel she is getting worse.  Last night was one of those nights.  Daylight Savings Time occurred yesterday.  She was out of sync all day.  She called daddy constantly with questions from "Is this my house?" to "Are those my trees?"
I know those questions sound frivolous and crazy, but to a woman with dementia, these are the questions that have to be answered every 10 minutes.  Remember 10 second Tom from the movie "50 First Dates".  Well, we have 10 minute Grandma.

I arrived around 7:00 p.m.  She had already locked the doors and put out her chairs.  She came to the door and asked who was out there.  I said my name and replied that I was her granddaughter.  She  argued with me about being her granddaughter.  I tried to get her to open the door, and she simply refused.  I called her on the phone.  She answered.

Me:  "Grandma, open the door."
Grandma:  "Are you out there?"
Me:  "Yes"
Grandma:  "Carole Anne is coming tonight."
Me:  "Yes, she is coming."
Grandma:  "Is she at the door?"
Me:  "Yes! She tried to get you to open the door."
Grandma:  "Well, you need to tell her to know her name when someone ask for it."
Me: (Shaking my head) "Ok....open the door for me."

Now, I know....I referred to myself in third person...and I know by talking that way to her, it confused me as well.  So, when you read the next part of the conversation, then you can understand how confused she was.

Grandma opened the door.  She looked straight at me.

Me:  "Hey, Grandma!  It's me."
Grandma:  "I thought you said Carole Anne was coming over."
Me:  "I am Carole Anne."
Grandma:  "You are the girl on the phone."
Me:  "Yes, but I am Carole Anne too."
Grandma:  "Carole Anne is coming later to spend the night."
Me:  "Yes, I am Carole Anne.  I am here to spend the night."
Grandma:  "Well, you can't stay in the back bedroom.  That is where Carole Anne is going to sleep."
Me:   "I am Carole Anne."
Grandma: "Say what you want, but if she comes in here, then you better move."

I stood there trying to just comprehend the entire conversation, as well as, memorize every word to share on my blog. She went into a long spill about how someone had hid her shoes all over her house.  She has lost every pair of shoes she owns.  She has to wear two different shoes because she hides them so well that she just wears whatever she can find.

She came in the room and spent about an hour hiding clothes, the tape recorder, the duck, and a phone of some sort.  She kept telling me to whisper.  Evidently, people are sitting outside her windows listening to our every word.  I told her that those people were home.  She gave me her "humph" and walked out.

She finally settled down around 9:30 p.m.  I finished my show on television and started to drift off to sleep.  "Carole Anne" never showed up, so I was able to sleep in the back bedroom.

At 11:30, She came back in my room.  She was dressed from head to toe.  She had a knit hat on her head, a trench coat, a suitcase and one shoe on her right foot.  She was a sight!  She was also scary because when Grandma wakes you up out of a sound sleep, it can really shake you up.

I looked at her and tried to comprehend what she was doing.  She said we had to go and get out of this hospital.  I looked at her and told her we were at her house.  She argued with me.  I obviously did not know what I was talking about.  After all, I'm not Carole Anne.  I'm just that girl on the phone!

I got her back to her room and took off her coat.  I coaxed her back to bed and put away the suitcase, which, by the way, was full of dishes and records.  I told her to lay down.  She was really disoriented and confused.  Her comprehension was gone.  She wanted to know where Grandpa was.  I told her that he passed away three years ago.  She didn't like my answer and told me to hush my mouth.

I finally got her to lay down when I told her that I would lay down with her.  We laid there in the pitch black.  She asked the normal questions..."How many kids do you have?", "Where is Gary?", and "Where do you live?"  If she didn't like my answer, she told me to hush and go to bed.  Two minutes later, she would start in again with questions.

She did finally calm down and asked one interesting question.  She wanted to know has she always been this way.  I said no.  Then, she wanted to know why did I take care of her.  Why?  That really hit me hard.  Why am I doing this?  Why do I spend my weekends arguing with who she is and answering 100 questions?  Why do I help her hide her stuff and then turn right around and find it for her?  Why do I spend hours looking for her teeth?

I simply told her because I am her granddaughter and that is what families are suppose to do.   I hope she knows it is more than just an obligation.  It is an honor to be able to spend precious moments with her.  Cherished memories of trying to find her teeth.  Memories of gathering all the pecans in her house.  Memories of the figs in the washing machine.  And how many of you can say that you know how to stack 7 chairs in front of a door to protect against the imaginary guy?  I can!

If I had a hammer...

Cleaned the back bedroom and found all my "weapons" to fight critters and the guy trying to steal Grandma's false teeth.

Bring it!  I'm all tooled up and can knock anything out!  In addition, I have one crazy Grandma who doesn't have time for silliness!  You just got to love her!  Cause, I sure do!  

I did have a special moment with her this morning.  After she kept me up until 3:30, she came in around 8:00 am looking for her teeth.  We have been fighting every night about how she is perfectly capable of taking care of her teeth.  She wouldn't let me hide them but I watched her last night hide them in the kitchen. She thanked me when I retrieved them for her.  Then she called me by name without any prompting.  Last but not least, she thanked me for taking such good care of her.  She knows her mind is all mixed up but she truly loves me and appreciates all I do for her.  That was one of those rare moments that I cherish!  They are starting to get few and far between, but it is enough to remind me of why I help my dad.  She is family and family take care of each other!  No matter how hard or trying.  Oh!  And she hugged me at least 3 times like old times!  I knew it was a real Grandma hug and not the Dementia.

 

Critters!

It is 12:30 AM. I'm laying in bed about to drift off into that wonderful land of dreams.  I'm still on somewhat of an alert because I can hear Grandma getting up and down.  I hear her go to the bathroom.  I hear her rummage through drawers.  I realize how many times she is flipping the lights on and off.   I have a fan going to drown out the noises, but tonight it just isn't working.  I can hear all the sounds of the house.  I'm laying there still and trying to drift into a good sleep when I hear it.

The window had just enough light from the street light outside to where I can see the curtain move.  I hear what sounds like a scratching noise on the window.  I'm thinking quietly to myself and make a mental note of what "weapons" are in the room.  The normal three hammers, two flashlights, a baseball bat, a couple of sticks, a hand grabber of some sort, and Grandpa's shoes.  I'm not going to lie!  I was scared.  I hear it again.  This time it is running along the wall. In the corner, there is a box of pecans.  I hear it go thru the pecans.  I turn the light on and grab a huge foam board that Grandma had from a family reunion.  I still hear it in the pecans.  So, I hold the box closed with the foam board.  Grandma conveniently hid a red shoe under the bed.  I grab it and place it on top of the box.  I wasn't about to open the box.  I knew in my heart it was probably a mouse and then it would be crazy all up in that bedroom.  So, I secured the box to where the mouse couldn't get out.

I lay back down in the bed and then I hear it run along the wall behind the headboard.  I hear it go around the electrical wires for the television.  I turn the light back on and there it is staring at me from the diet coke can I had been drinking earlier in the night.  He ran when that light came on.  He was probably the biggest roach/water bug I had ever seen!  He ran back under the bed.  I grabbed the hammer and went after it on the other side.  I cornered him at the foot of the bed.  It was one of those western moments.  The showdown....the enormous bug or me!  It was definitely going to be him.  I tried hitting it with the hammer but he moved towards the wall.  I followed him up the wall with the hammer.  I finally hit him really good and he fell 2 feet to his death below the window.

Now, that I had taking care of the critter, I laid back down to go to sleep.  Turned the light back off and put my weapon back under the bed.  I laid there for four or five minutes listening to the fan go round and round to circulate the air in the room.  I hear the same noise again.  AGAIN!!!  This time in the bathroom.  This time it really did sound more like a mouse.  It was a scratching noise.  Sounded like he was scratching plastic.  Then I hear it in the other bedroom.  I really didn't want to get back up and chase what I thought was a mouse but I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep with all the critters running around.

I went to the bathroom first with hammer in one hand and flashlight in the other.  I shined it around the room and saw one roach in the middle of the floor.  Bam!  Then I heard the plastic scratching noise.  A mop bucket was in the corner.  One had fallen into the bucket and was trying to get out.  Bam!  So, after taking care of the critters of the bathroom.  I decided to venture into the other room.  I thought if it is was just another water bug or roach then I had this under control.  I opened up the bedroom door.  All lights were off.  The other bedroom doors were closed.  I listened intently to hear where the critter was running.  I heard it in the other bathroom.  I got ready to turn the light on to catch him running around.  Hammer was ready in my other hand. When I flipped the light on, there was the biggest critter I had ever seen going into the cabinet under the sink.  This critter was GRANDMA!   Evidently, the cleaning supplies were not in order under the sink.  So, she decided to slowly slide them back in place in the dark!

I told her what had happened in the bedroom with the water bugs.  She wanted to know if I got them with the hammer.  I said yes to all her questions.  I finally turned back to go to bed.  When I hear her say "I told you we needed a man for protection!"  I replied, "All they want to do is make babies!  We don't need no man or babies!"  :)

P.S.  Daddy will be spraying tonight, and I will be throwing out all pecans!  Grandma's squirreling habits are causing the problem.

Making Babies!

I'm going to try to keep this G rated.  As the Dementia gets worse, Grandma starts to regress in years.  She may look every bit of 87 years of age, but in her mind, I think she believes she is in her 20's.  When you are young and full of spirit, many have their mind set on relations with the opposite sex.  My husband constantly informs my girls that all boys think about is being with girls.  He thinks he is an expert on how boys think.  Grandma evidently is convinced that this is true of anyone that stays at her house.

Tonight, Grandma informed me about some girls that have been staying in her house.  They like to sneak out at night and get with those boys.  They are forbidden to be with those boys.  All they want to do is have babies!  I guess I didn't learn my lesson from last night.  My curiosity really got the best of me and I had to know what she was thinking.

She said "My sisters and their friends just use me as a cover!  They come over here and tell their momma that they are spending the night and then they get with those boys!"

Me:  "What do they do with those boys?"

Grandma:  "You know....make babies!  Just makes me sick thinking about all the babies!"

By this time....I am about to bust a gut.

Me:  "What do you mean, grandma?"

Grandma:  "I don't have no time to be taking care of no babies!  They need to go on and take their business else where!"

Me:  "Well, who do you think is making these babies?"

Grandma:  "Everybody that comes over here thinks they need to go make babies!  This is just silliness!"

Me:  "Grandma, I promise I am not making any babies!"

Grandma:  "Well, I hope not. You would just need a good spanking for that!"

And with that statement...she went to bed.  

So, if you stay at Grandma's house, try not to make babies.  She don't need no babies and would prefer you take your business elsewhere!  Priceless!

Moving and Playing the Game!

You can usually talk to someone and know when something isn't right.  At that point,  you follow your gut feeling and go with the flow.  That is exactly what happened to me tonight.  This gut feeling told me that Grandma was going to be upset.  So, instead of upsetting her even more, I played along with the delusion she was having.  I think my husband told me once to just go with the stories instead of confusing her even more.

I arrived at Grandma's to find her pulling dishes from every cabinet in the kitchen.  She had every fork, spoon, knife, cup, saucer, bowl, and pan stacked in the kitchen.  She looked at me like a deer in headlights when I walked in the door.  I guess I startled her when I walked in her door.  She informed me that we needed to hurry and load this stuff up because "the lady" was using them to serve dinner.  I asked who was the lady. She replied with a lady from the church.   She wanted to know if I had a car.  I nodded yes.  Grandma jumped into action.  The next thing I know...we are loading all the dishes in my van.  She started pulling clothes, vinyl records, photo albums, suitcases full of junk, and every dish she owned out of every corner of her house and loading it in my van.  After the first three loads, it was far too late for me to stop her.  I had to just go with the delusion.  Toilet paper, magazines, photos from the walls, decorations, and shoes came pouring out of Grandma's house.  She packed my van with so much stuff!  I tried three or four times to tell her enough was enough.  I tried to reason with her by saying we would take this load and come back for the rest.  She just kept bringing more and more stuff.  We loaded a telephone, scrapbooks, a painting, another tape player and almost all her china.

I finally convinced her to get in the van to go.  She agreed.  I pretended to lock the door as she got in the van.  She saw her lawn chair and wanted me to grab it.  I ignored the request.  We pulled out of the driveway.  She said she was tired and didn't understand why we couldn't just spend the night.  I said we could but we would have to unload everything eventually.  She told me to just drive.  At this point, I noticed the neighbors across the street watching and trying to figure out what in the world we were doing when we left.

I rounded the first corner.  AS SOON AS WE TURNED RIGHT....She realized we were at her house, but it was too late for me to fix what was about to happen next.  Grandma let me know real quick that I wasn't pulling anything over on her.  She knew I was just trying to get her out of her house.  I tried to argue, but it was pointless.  We drove to my parent's home.  I saw my dad in the doorway.  I motioned for him to come out and talk to her.  He was reluctant, because I think he sensed that I was in big trouble with her.

She let him know that I was being silly and trying to move her out of her house.  We both informed her over and over and over and over and over...you get the point...we were not trying to do any such thing.  I finally told her that I was going to take her home.  She calmed down and gave in a little.

As we pulled out of Dad's driveway, she informed me on how to get to her house from his.  We went back home.  The neighbors at this point had lined up lawn chairs in their yard across the street.  I don't know if they knew we would be back soon or just wanted to watch to see if there was anything worth stealing, but there they sat watching and laughing.  

We pulled in the driveway.  After being chewed out for over 25 minutes, I was ready for more.  She turned and looked at me with the sweetest face and lovingly stated:  "Thank you honey for bringing me back home.  I didn't want to stay in that other town tonight."

You just want to scream at her and try to figure out WHAT IN THE WORLD?  But it is pointless.  We unloaded the van.  I piled everything back up in the kitchen and dining room.  I'm sure the neighbors had a big laugh.

I went straight to my bedroom and threw myself across the bed.  She came in and gave me her teeth and said she was going to bed as well.  I replied "that is probably a good idea!"

Of course, the thought of all that stuff being piled up in the dining room got the best of her and within an hour, she was up and putting it all back where it belonged.

Moral of the story, don't play along with the delusion...unless you are willing to play the entire game.  I had to play the entire game and this quarterback was wiped out!  Wait, I guess I was a receiver or tailback.    Quarterbacks control the game, and Grandma was in complete control of moving her stuff!  I just ran the play that she called.